Comedy Script
Posted on
2008-Aug-26
at
10:34
Recently, we had to tell a story based on a random visual in our Brainstorming class. My visual was that of a female boxer. Not one to do an assignment within the normal guidelines, I decided to write a short excerpt of a sitcom script instead of a narrative. I have posted the scenes I wrote in hopes that someone might comment back and give me a small bit of confirmation that I have the ability to write humorous material that not I alone believes is funny. Enjoy!
[Interior] A New York City apartment
{Open} Mark enters the apartment and goes to sit on the couch next to Lisa, his fiancée.
Mark: Hey, honey.
Lisa: Hey! (looks at him oddly) Is that what you wore to work today? That tie and shirt don't go together.
Mark: (sighs) Are you going to wanna start dressing me again?
Lisa: Well I didn't think I'd need to anymore. (pause) Not since the suspenders and belt fiasco of 2007
Mark: Well Sara thought I looked nice today
Lisa: (eyes widen, looks surprised) Sara?
Mark: Yea, you've met her. She works in my department. She's below me
Lisa: (blank stare, looks mad)
Mark: (sees he's confused, he doesnt know why, then realizes why) BELOW ME!
Lisa: Oh, phew!
Mark: Yea, but things are getting a little weird. I think she has a thing for me. She flirts an awful lot.
Lisa: (looks confused) She the beautiful blonde, right?
Mark: Yea
Lisa: (looks smug and laughs) And she’s flirting with you?
Mark: What? You don’t think another woman could be attracted to me? You apparently feel for my charm.
Lisa: And by charm you mean getting wasted on our first date and making me clean up your vomit?
Mark: Some guys bring flowers, I pass out on bathroom floors. It’s a different move, but it works.
Lisa: (laughs) You have your weekly happy hour party tomorrow, right?
Mark: Yea.
Lisa: Well I think I'll drop by; I have to see this (making quotation fingers) “flirting” for myself.
Mark: Ok, but I warned you, so you cant get mad when Sara is all over me.
Lisa: Unless the bar is a giant bathroom floor, I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry about.
[End Scene)
[Begin Scene]
[Interior] A local pub filled with young professionals relaxing after work
{Open} Lisa walks into the pub, sees Mark and goes over to him; where he is standing with
Sara, the beautiful co-worker. They are both laughing hysterically, and Lisa sees that Sara has her hand on Mark’s arm. She looks surprised and quickly walks over to them.
Lisa: Mark, hey honey (pulls Mark away from Sara and hugs him; turns to Sara) Hi! Cindy, right?
Sara: Uh, Sara.
Lisa: Oh, right, Sara! I’m Lisa, Mark’s fiancée (shoves her engagement ring in Sara’s face). So what were you guys talking about?
Mark: Well Sara was telling me about how she modeled before she came to work here.
Lisa: (with an angry expression on her face) Modeled, really?
Sara: Yea. I was totally telling Mark that he is way cuter than any guy model I’ve worked with (She rubs Mark’s arm for a few seconds while giggling)
(Mark looks at Lisa and smiles)
Lisa: (Interrupts) Now, modeling, that’s where they do all that airbrushing on your flaws to make you look prettier right?
Sara: Well sometimes, but that’s only used on models that are like, waaaay older, like….. 25 or 26!
(Mark chuckles, Lisa’s expression gets angrier)
Sara: Actually, the directors always said I had one of the hardest stomachs they’ve ever seen. See! (She takes Mark’s hand and puts it on her stomach)
(Mark gives Lisa the “I told you so” look)
Lisa: (Lisa has had enough and pulls Mark’s hand away) ALRIGHT MISSY! That’s enough. In case you didn’t hear me, I said Mark was my fiancée, which is French for “keep our anorexic hands off him”
Sara: Well I don’t see a ring on your finger?
Lisa: (looks at Sara with an extremely confused look. Brings her ring up, looks at it, looks at Sara, looks back at the ring, looks at Sara again). I…I just……you know what? Nevermind, I’m just going to kick your ass.
(Both girls start slapping at each other. Mark jumps in to separate them)
Mark: Girls, Girls! Stop it! This is ridiculous. This isn’t how adults act, especially in a bar. (long pause; the girls look at each other sort of apologetically) We have to get tub of jello and white t-shirts!
Lisa: You know what? I saw a boxing gymnasium across the street, why don’t we go in there and settle things.
Sara: Fine with me!
Mark: Awesome! Let’s go! (to Lisa) How are we going to get that tub of jell-o up into the ring?
[End Scene]
[Begin Scene]
[Interior] A boxing gymnasium. There are boxers working out and practicing all around the gym, with the boxing ring in the middle of the room. Many of the bar patrons are gathered around the ring.
{Open} Mark and Lisa are in one corner, and Sara is in the other. Lisa and Sara are both outfitted in sparing gear. Mark is rubbing Lisa shoulders as she stands in the corner getting ready.
Mark: Sweetheart, are you sure you want to do this?
Lisa: What? You don’t think I can take her? She can’t weight more than 90 pounds
Mark: No, of course I think you can take her, you’re like twice her size (Lisa glares at him) No, no, no. I don’t mean twice her size like you weight twice as much, I’m just saying your bigger than her in general (Lisa continues to glare) N-Not that your big, I’m just …..saying, you know, it’s just that……..Is that a new hairdo, I LOVE IT!!
Lisa: Just give me my mouthpiece
Mark: (hands her the mouthpiece, grabs it hard from his hand) Love you…
(The referee enters the ring, and heads right over to Sara. They both embrace each other in a long hug and start talking and laughing. Lisa sees this and looks confused)
Lisa: Mark! Mark! What is that all about?
Mark: (seeing this) Hmmm, I don’t know!
(the referee comes over to Lisa’s corner)
Lisa: Um, excuse me. Do you know her?
Referee: Who Sara? Yea, she’s a regular here.
Lisa: WHAT?
Referee: Yea, this is where she trains and works out to get in shape for her Photo shoots. She’s in amazing shape,
have you seen her stomach?
Mark: (smiles) Yea, I felt it! (Lisa hits him) And it was gross! (Mark and the referee both roll their eyes)
Referee: (to Lisa) Alright, when the bell rings, you come out fighting.
(the referee goes to the center of the ring. Lisa has a horrified look on her face like she just made a huge mistake. Sara yells from across the ring)
Sara: Hey Lisa, don’t worry, while you’re in the hospital, I’ll make sure to take good care of Mark
(music begins. In slow motion, Lisa’s face turns from horror to straight anger. She starts to grind her teeth and she makes some growling noises while hitting her boxing gloves together. The bell rings. Lisa runs out of the screen to start fighting leaving Mark in the picture. He starts to wince and react to what is going on in the ring. His facial expressions are ones of terror)
[End Scene]
[Begin Scene]
[Interior] The same pub where they had the happy hour party
{Open} Mark and Lisa are sitting at a table. Lisa’s face is dirty and bruised, and she is holding a bag of ice to her eye.
Mark: That was incredible. There was so much sweating and screaming!
Lisa: And I would have fought her better if you wouldn’t have been doing that!
Mark: Yea, sorry!
Lisa: I feel bad for Sara though. I wonder how long she’ll have to be out of work?
Mark: I don’t know. They’ll probably need to find out if bite marks are covered under the company’s insurance
Plan
Lisa SHE BIT ME FIRST!!
Mark: (puts is arm around Lisa) I know.
[END]
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