How to tell if an agency is flush
Posted on
2008-Nov-28
at
12:39
I went out for a beer with a graphic designer friend of mine the other night there. We talked shop all night, because that's what disgruntled creatives do when there's no work but plenty of rumours flying about. Amongst other things we discussed, I was given this rather bizarre piece of advice: the best way to assess whether the working environment is good at an agency is to inspect their bathrooms.
Perhaps my friend has a point. How does one effectively gauge if a working relationship with an agency would be mutually beneficial? Is feigning bladder discomfort in order to undertake some sneaky reconnaissance via the loo perhaps a good way of assessing a potential relationship? When you think about it, if a place of employment doesn't take care of its bathroom facilities then what's the chances they don't really give a crap about their staff? We Brits don't call the toilet the throne for nothing.
When you go to someone's house, you form some sort of opinion on their personal habits by the state of their bathroom. It might be sub-conscious, but it's there. Cheap toilet roll = tightwad. Rancid smell = bad diet. Floater = lack of dignity. No toilet seat = low expectations. And so on and so forth. Why should an agency's bathrooms be any different?
My friend's argument was bolstered by some real life examples. He told me the worst place he ever worked at had horrific bathrooms. "When there's bogeys on the wall you know you're in a bad place" he quipped. This sagely piece of advice had me pulling grotesque faces but after such gurning I came to the conclusion he was likely right. Apparently if agency toilets are so clean you could eat your dinner off them you're onto a good thing.
I wouldn't advocate eating your packed lunch off the cistern in order to determine the quality of an ad agency, but I think he's still got a point. Maybe combining a toilet inspection with the stationary cupboard's marker pen manifesto would provide a perfect formula for an agency's quality of working environment?
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Portfolio rage
Posted on
2008-Nov-21
at
01:06
The advertising creative’s biggest asset - creativity - is parceled up in one large, black, leather-bound book. The portfolio. Slung over the shoulder or clutched in a sweaty palm, the book is the junior creative’s first and most important weapon in the sometimes long, arduous quest to secure employment.
Having left my portfolio to fester for a year and a half it has become so rotten that I’ve had to address the situation and get stuck in. Fine-tuning your best hope of garnishing employment is like the world’s longest job application; it’s genuinely time-consuming and stressful.
There’s plenty of fighting goes on with the portfolio when one decides to give their book an overhaul. Whittling down definitelys, maybes and definitely nots takes up forever. Then there’s working things up, tweaking lines, getting paper cuts, moving logos, fighting with plastic sleeves, screaming into pillows, re-jigging campaigns, losing USB sticks, working out reading order, visiting print shops, cutting stuff out and sticking things together into one seamless masterpiece (or disaster) of your creative worth.
People in the industry give tonnes of advice about ad books. Lots of it is conflicting. “Only put print in and make it five campaigns”. “Make sure you put in a variety of stuff; a good radio, a TV, great print and an ambient never goes amiss”. “Put in print campaigns, but if you’ve got great one-offs add them too.” “Only put in stuff that’s been done up on the mac.” “It’s great to add scamps on layout paper, put some of them in.” “What are you putting an actual book together for? It should be online.” “The future’s digital, you need to demonstrate your competency in that area. Forget print!” “You’re a junior. Print is the most important. You need to show you are strong with it.”
Both putting a book together and receiving advice for the act is endless. But this is by far the best and most useful guide to putting an advertising portfolio together. Thanks to you Mr Trott, my hero! Apart from that, the only consistent piece of information I’ve heard is to start and end the book on a high note. Which sounds sensible to me. Now, If only I could actually figure out what my high notes are because after looking at my work constantly for a week I can’t see the wood for the trees.
Maybe I should just take a match to the wood, the trees, the portfolio and my sanity and move into the banana hammock industry where there are no books to put together, only bananas and hammocks.
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Brief and to the point. Or not.
Posted on
2008-Oct-27
at
05:30
Last week I got some work ripped apart. It was completely annihilated, and not by my CD. He had given the work the green light and it was in the grubby hands of the client. And they had lots of fun chewing it up and spitting it out.
When I received the feedback from my boss I was interested to discover that I wasn’t really very annoyed or upset or irritated or angry or anything else negative for that matter, but instead just found myself fantasising about the impending doom of the discarded scripts. (Would they be folded up and used to stabilise wobbly tables?) In the past I’ll admit I’ve gotten riled up when my work has been rejected and taken it as a personal insult but I didn’t this time. I was as calm as a llama. As cool as a cucumber. Or whatever similie pleases you. I just shrugged my shoulders and said if they wanted me to re-write the scripts then I’d get straight onto it, but the client would have to supply me with a brief.
You see, I wrote three scripts without any brief from the client whatsoever. I was flying by the seat of my pants. So I wasn’t surprised when the work got shat on by the pitbull client. How the client expected the work to hit the nail on the head without any brief for me to work to is beyond my understanding. I am not a miracle worker. I can only provide creative solutions and in order to do that I need to have a question to answer creatively. A brief.
The brief is incredibly important. In fact, it’s probably the most important thing you have when you are a creative. It’s the be all and end all of your creativity. If you want effective creative work you must have some sort of brief with which to work within. And you must answer the brief well. That is your job. They say creativity has no boundaries but I don’t agree with that when it comes to advertising; there are boundaries and they are an A4 piece of paper with phrases like “single minded proposition”, “tone of voice” and “target market”. Adverts are targeted pieces of communication that send messages to the right audience. Without that definition advertising is meaningless.
So with that in mind I suppose my rejected work was meaningless. Although it had a message, it wasn’t specific enough for the client. And that’s fine by me, because when you are brief-less you really are just a naked little person flashing your creative wares to disgruntled onlookers.
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I don't believe it. Atheist Advertising!
Posted on
2008-Oct-21
at
04:45
The Guardian newspaper has just gleefully announced a pro-atheist bus advertising campaign
- donated funds permitting - in order to counter the rash of pro-christian advertising that we Brits have been subjected to over the past however long. If nothing else, the idea is an interesting premise and perfectly commendable. After all, if religious folk get to advertise their beliefs on buses and billboards then why not the humanists?
Some are arguing that the move is childish and petty and that the atheists are being just as bullying and aggressive by plastering the line “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.” on the side of public transport. This argument is perfectly rational in my opinion as the whole thing does just appear to me to be a case of “my beliefs can beat up your beliefs”.
Given the option however, I’d rather see no religious/humanist advertising full stop. The last thing I need to be reminded of after a hard day at work is whether my belief system is considered right or wrong by an advert. All the other ads are already trying to change my mind over far more mundane things like loo roll and sofas. And that’s bad enough.
I could go on about this for ages but I’m not going to bother. The arguments and counter arguments are exhausting. Suffice to say I will be interested to see if there is any backlash from the old religious side of things. Perhaps we will end up with a media battle on our hands like Mac vs. PC!
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Mug pun taken to the edge-presso
Posted on
2008-Oct-14
at
03:36
Hell YES I can write a cringeworthy headline! Maybe First Bus should hire me? Anyway, if you can get over my horrific headline turn your peepers to this silly photo below:
Apologies for the poor image quality, but I shot this with my pathetic camera phone on the bus to work this morning.
Another good example of one of my worst personal hates in advertising - the replacement head. In this case the bodies in question have have been be-headed and replaced with coffee mugs. WTF?
It looks like this shit idea has been perpetuated several times across Glasgow, much to the shame and consternation of the creative industry. It just makes me wonder, if I can spot two examples of the replacement head in the city centre alone in as many weeks, just how many replacement head executions must there be floating about in the world?
And of course, there is the obligatory headline "Don't be a mug". CRINGE!
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Quality writing from someone paid to do so
Posted on
2008-Oct-14
at
03:35
Check out this clunky piece of interweb bloggery. This writer is supposted to be an editor for goodness sakes. Does he get paid to write stuff as bad as this?!
"Coca Cola may have thought they had another great commercial on the air but apparently they overlooked some areas of irresponsibility and dietary issues. Apparently, the script which featured a kid covered with Cactus running away with her pregnant girlfriend.
While the intent was to promote Oasis, a coke product being built, it was the whole concept of trying to promote teenagers to runaway. The pregnant girl may be of legal age, but the thing is that it is sending mixed signals to the masses."
Ouch!
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Where's a strategist when you need one?
Posted on
2008-Oct-14
at
03:34
I do occasionally miss strategists and account handlers at my agency. Because we're so small we have excised any suit-related discipline from our four walls and concentrate solely on creative. It's lovely when you can throw ideas around without some shark-toothed account handler declaring the tone of voice isn't hitting the target market or the client won't want to be associated with gimps/monkeys/hairy toes.
But sometimes I think the strategist is the most important person in an advertising agency. For example, about four weeks ago or so I was handed a brief about childhood bullying. This, seemingly, would be a great thing to work on and I set about with gusto until I actually read the brief. Can you believe they actually wanted a poster campaign targeting adults that have absolutely no connection to children whatsoever? No parents, no teachers, no social workers, no peers. Just the average childless person walking down the street - an architect, a banker, an accountant, a travel agent.
Now, you must forgive me if you think that is a clever idea because I think it is ridiculous. It is the equivalent of trying to sell shoes to someone lacking feet. It's pointless, a waste of time and money, a complete idiot's use of an advertising budget. Any strategist would have thrown this out long before its feet (or lack of) touched the ground. Of course, the client is a government agency so I shouldn't be surprised, let's be honest.
I told my CD at the time that I felt the communication was badly flawed. He shrugged his shoulders and said the brief had been written by the client. The client wanted to approach people that wouldn't normally associate themselves with kids. That says it all, really it does.
After a route getting the green light and with photography up for early next week my agency received a panicked phone call from said client today. They suddenly realised their blunder and now want the executions to feature people that work with children - teachers, social workers, lollipop ladies etc.
Excuse me while I go scream into a pillow and wonder what planet the client is on. Strategists, I am feeling your pain right now.
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Sauchiehall Street today
Posted on
2008-Oct-14
at
03:33
I happened to have my camera with me while walking up Sauchiehall Street today after work... I have been walking past these things for quite some time and felt the need to share:
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An example of good selling. This nifty little line has been amusing me for quite some time. I'd say at least three days. Somehow I just haven't found this unfunny every time I've walked past. And a good deal too! |
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You know, I didn't think the apostrophe rule was that difficult to adhere to. I thought it was reserved to people who don't know how to spell, construct a sentence or read above a P7 level on a daily basis, but I am wrong. Somehow this piece of retardedness has managed to escape the scathing eyes of the copywriter, the designer, the proofreader, the client, the staff at the Bier Hof and the printer.
No less than at least eight people will have seen this piece of stupidity before it's been given the thumbs up to sit outside on the street. And what makes it even more of a shite sandwich is the fact that there are apostrophes everywhere. It's like a little bunch of wrecked apostrophes came out the Bier Hof after too many steins and crashed the sandwich board's party. I also want to know why there's isn't one after the "s". Fannies. |
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(Click on image for better chunderific view.)Could this be any more unappetising? Chicken wrap plastered to side of piss-drenched and vomit smeared phonebox, pierced like a piece of face. Or nipple. Or penis.
Shit idea for shit food plastered over shit-attracting medium. Clever. |
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Every creative in the business thinks it's a really bright idea to replace people's heads with objects at some point in their career. What's even worse is that every advertising and design agency's creative director at some point thinks it's a good idea too.
PLEASE tell me what the hell was going on when this was given the okay. The copy reads "Try something new". What? For a change replace my head with a white fucking cardboard box? The store wrap is for furniture. What the hell is going on here? Man, I need to go put my head in a box and ignore all the shite out there before I put a brick through this store's window. To be fair to the douchebag agency that did this, they could have replaced these folks heads with pouffes. |
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Top ten things to do in a bind
Posted on
2008-Oct-14
at
03:30
What do you do when you need to have an idea but are stuck in tumbleweed town?
I was thinking about this today after reading Scamp
so thought I'd list my idea coaxers.
They're not very creative. Perhaps that's why these methods don't often bear fruit...
1. Have a cup of tea.
2. Go to the loo. Look out the window in there.
3. Turn to my poor busy colleague and strike up a conversation about nut milk or organic shoe soles.
4. Stare into space.
5. Read blog after blog after blog until I've run out of bookmarks.
6. Doodle. Usually incorporating swearwords in there somewhere.
7. List every cliche to do with whatever topic I am working on. Then make ads of the cliches. Then put them to the side never to be looked at again unless there really is an idea drought.
8. Stroke the clean pages of my layout pad and remove all traces of eraser shavings.
9. Have another cup of tea.
10. Tell my boss I'm stuck and need help.
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Advertising Junk
Posted on
2008-Oct-14
at
03:25
Gah, sometimes advertising peeves me off. Well, my work does more than advertising in general. I sent my boss away with six different online banner concepts today to a client, all of which I felt were pretty piss poor to begin with seeing as I had the grand total of two days to work on the roughs. In adland that's a pretty harsh turnaround as you usually get minimum a week to chew over first thoughts. Anyway. My boss came back in this afternoon waxing lyrical about how the client really liked five out of the six concepts. Then I discover that my boss and the client have gotten their mitts all over the concepts and bastardised them to buggery.
Not that my babies were particularly attractive to begin with, but now they are shameful Frankensteinian monsters of ideas. They have been nipped and tucked and stretched and ironed out until the ideas have become almost unidentifiable. And that's technically a good thing because I truely don't want to put my name next to these. It's like saying you gave birth to Jim Davidson. It's shameful and you know it's not a good thing.
And now I have to storyboard them. FFS.
I fucking hate it when clients get their fucking hands on your ideas. This is why so much of advertising sucks. The client, who likes to think that they are "creative" and "know" about advertising decides to impart their "knowledge" upon your baby. You see it everywhere. A lot of advertising has the ghost of what was once a good idea floating about behind clunky copy or garish colours or retarded USPs or grim scripts or cringeworthy actors.
I would explain what the storyboard entails, but it is just so piss poor, so stupid and far fetched that I can't be arsed. Suffice to say, it involves putting COINS INSIDE PEOPLE'S HEADS. Yeah. Tell me about it. Could it get any more dumb? Well probably because the client only got a half hour with my boss. Christ knows what they'd come up with with a morning at their disposal to play at advertising.
All I can be thankful about is that my initial concepts were pretty middle of the road. Imagine if I'd actually handed them something really good...
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